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1、、Godmustlovestupidpeople.HemadeSOOOOOmany.2、Iwanttodiepeacefullyinmysleeplikemygrfather..Notscreamingyellinglikethepassengersinhiscar.3、Donotarguewithanidiot.Hewilldragyoudowntohislevelbeatyouwithexperience.4、Thelastthin
2、gIwanttodoistohurtyou.Butitsstillonthelist.5、Ifsexisapainintheassthenyouredoingitwrong...6、Theearlybirdmightgetthewmbutthesecondmousegetsthecheese.7、Weliveinasocietywherepizzagetstoyourhousebefethepolice.8、Havingsexislik
3、eplayingbridge.Ifyoudonthaveagoodpartneryoudbetterhaveagoodh.9、SomepeoplearelikeSlinkies...notreallygoodfanythingbutyoucanthelpsmilingwhenyouseeonetumbledownthestairs.10、Politiciansdiapershaveonethingincommon.Theyshouldb
4、othbechangedregularlyfthesamereason.11、Wardoesnotdeterminewhoisrightonlywhoisleft.12、Womenmightbeabletofakegasms.Butmencanfakeawholerelationship.13、Weneverreallygrowupweonlylearnhowtoactinpublic.14、Menhavetwoemotions:Hun
5、gryHny.Ifyouseehimwithoutanerectionmakehimaswich.15、Lighttravelsfasterthansound.Thisiswhysomepeopleappearbrightuntilyouhearthemspeak.16、Mymotherneversawtheironyincallingmeasonofabitch.17、IthoughtIwantedacareerturnsoutIju
6、stwantedpaychecks.18、Ifyouthinknobodycaresifyourealivetrymissingacoupleofpayments.19、Sexisnottheanswer.Sexisthequestion.“Yes“istheanswer.20、EveningnewsiswheretheybeginwithGoodeveningthenproceedtotellyouwhyitisnt.21、Howis
7、itonecarelessmatchcanstartafestfirebutittakesawholeboxtostartacampfire22、If4outof5peopleSUFFERfromdiarrhea...doesthatmeanthatoneenjoysit23、KnowledgeisknowingatomatoisafruitWisdomisnotputtingitinafruitsalad.24、IfGodiswatc
8、hingustheleastwecandoisbeentertaining.25、Neverunderanycircumstancestakeasleepingpillalaxativeonthesamenight.26、Ididntfightmywaytothetopofthefoodchaintobeavegetarian27、Abusstationiswhereabusstops.Atrainstationiswhereatrai
9、nstops.OnmydeskIhaveawkstation..28、IfIagreedwithyouwedbothbewrong.29、Didyouknowthatdolphinsaresosmartthatwithinafewweeksofcaptivitytheycantrainpeopletostontheveryedgeofthepoolthrowthemfish30、Acomputeroncebeatmeatchessbut
10、itwasnomatchfmeatkickboxing.Fatherreplied“IdontknowsonImstillpaying.“63、Somepeoplesay“Ifyoucantbeatthemjointhem“.Isay“Ifyoucantbeatthembeatthem“becausetheywillbeexpectingyoutojointhemsoyouwillhavetheelementofsurprise.64、
11、Whenindoubtmumble.65、Iintendtolivefever.Sofarsogood.66、Hospitality:makingyourguestsfeelliketheyreathomeevenifyouwishtheywere.67、Ifatfirstyoudontsucceedskydivingisnotfyou!68、ATVcaninsultyourintelligencebutnothingrubsitinl
12、ikeacomputer.69、Knowledgeispowerpowercrupts.Sostudyhardbeevil.70、Moneycantbuyhappinessbutitsuremakesmiseryeasiertolivewith.71、Alwaysbrowmoneyfromapessimist.Hewontexpectitback.72、Wryingwks!90%ofthethingsIwryaboutneverhapp
13、en.73、Virginityislikeasoapbubbleoneprickitisgone.74、Nostalgiaisntwhatitusedtobe.75、Withsufficientthrustpigsflyjustfine.76、Ishouldveknownitwasntgoingtowkoutbetweenmyexwifeme.AfterallImaLibrashesabitch.77、HallmarkCard:“Ims
14、omiserablewithoutyouitsalmostlikeyourestillhere.“78、Behindeverysuccessfulmanishiswoman.Behindthefallofasuccessfulmanisusuallyanotherwoman.79、Adiplomatissomeonewhocantellyoutogotohellinsuchawaythatyouwilllookfwardtothetri
15、p.80、Igotinafightonetimewithareallybigguyhesaid“Imgoingtomoptheflowithyourface.“Isaid“Youllbesry.“Hesaid“OhyeahWhy“Isaid“Wellyouwontbeabletogetintothecnersverywell.“81、Somepeoplehearvoices..Someseeinvisiblepeople..Others
16、havenoimaginationwhatsoever.82、Ialwaystakelifewithagrainofsalt...plusasliceoflemon...ashotoftequila.83、Wehaveenoughguncontrol.Whatweneedisidiotcontrol.84、Womenmaynothitharderbuttheyhitlower.85、Justremember...ifthewlddidn
17、tsuckwedallfalloff.86、Jesuslovesyoubuteveryoneelsethinksyoureanasshole.87、Iusedtobeindecisive.NowImnotsure.88、Idonttrustanythingthatbleedsffivedaysdoesntdie.89、Ifyoukeepyourfeetfirmlyonthegroundyoullhavetroubleputtingony
18、ourpants.90、Tobesureofhittingthetargetshootfirstcallwhateveryouhitthetarget.91、Youaresuchagoodfriendthatifwewereonasinkingshiptogethertherewasonlyonelifejacket...Idmissyouheapsthinkofyouoften.92、Goingtochurchdoesntmakeyo
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